Alien Invaders
Mankind has long looked to the stars for guidance. What he found instead were alien invaders, here to destroy our way of life! These sinister space men are one of the greatest threats facing the world today, and will take over the entire world if we're not careful. Their arrival is forthcoming, their invasion imminent. All you can do is learn what you can about them and prepare for the worst.
Bug-Eyed Monster
The classic alien invader is the Bug-Eyed Monster. It's the catch-all name for any extraterrestrial being that wishes doom for the people of Earth. Physically speaking, they tend to be eight-feet tall, covered in slime, and have one large eyeball in the center of their forehead. Variations include rubbery skin and a disproportionate number of tentacles. Whatever they look like, they inevitably inspire disgust and an immediate desire to hide one's women.

Bug-Eyed Monsters are always stronger and more durable than most humans, making them extremely difficult to kill. You're going to have to pull out the big guns here, and get the aid of your old army buddies. Their odd appearance is also guaranteed to cause consternation among earth's scientists. How could an alien race without a skeleton (or fine manipulators, for that matter) construct such advanced technology? A question that will probably never be answered, because the BEM's aren't talking and they've got us in their sights.

Little Green Men
Little green men are exactly what they sound like - miniature versions of normal humans, only green and with antennae sticking out of their foreheads. They usually wear silver jumpsuits, and are always in possession of a technology far in advance to our own. They also, without fail, come from a planet called Mars. Even if they originate from another galaxy, millions of light years away, the name of their planet in phonetic translation will be Mars. One of the great mysteries of the universe.

What's not a mystery is how they feel about humans - complete and utter loathing. Perhaps it's our green pastures, our lush forests, our fruited plains, but they absolutely hate mankind and the world we live on. This makes them extremely dangerous, because they will blow it up at every opportunity, but also serves as an Achilles heel in some ways. You might be able to lure them into a trap by provoking them with a multi-media presentation of humanity's accomplishments.

Pod People
Aliens are a terrifying thought, but at least you'll know them when you see them, right? Not necessarily. One of the more insidious threats facing the world today are pod people, aliens who use biotechnology to clone hapless humans. This horrific tactic involves stealing a person's DNA, and implanting it into gooey pods kept in a specially-prepared greenhouse. A body double is then grown which mysteriously manages to hold the same memories as the host. Shortly thereafter, the original person is killed and the pod person takes their place.

This creates an tremendously paranoid situation, because anyone you know could secretly be an alien in disguise. You're not likely to realize an invasion is taking place at all, or that your children are now foul extraterrestrials here to enslave the people of earth. It is therefore vital that you keep watch over any unexpected behavior changes among your neighbors and family. Has your father suddenly gone on a diet? Don't believe his story about an upcoming high school reunion, call your local government and have him locked up immediately.

Sulty Vixens with Beehive Hairdos
Perhaps the most dangerous alien invader you will face is the sultry vixen. Though they lack the strength, the armor, and the planet-busting weapons of other extraterrestrials, they make up for it with seductive skills and a gorgeous appearance. That's right, these aliens aren't hideous at all, but six-foot-tall women with beehive hairdos and legs that just won't quit. Many stout men have fallen prey to their charms, and had their brains eaten instead of the night of passion they were probably expecting.

Sultry vixens come from a planet where there are no males, because they were all exterminated years ago. In spite of this, they still possess pheromonal powers that allow them to bewitch young men everywhere. Your closest friend may even turn on you, refusing to attack an object of such beauty! It is therefore imperative you fight them with nose plugs on, because otherwise you may end up a mind slave to vile temptresses who will cast you aside after draining your precious life fluids dry.

Space Teenagers
They come from outer space, arriving in hot rods from beyond the stars. They look just like ordinary teenagers, only dressed in leather jackets and black sunglasses. These aren't your Bobby or Peggy-Sue, though, but aliens who have come to destroy the very fabric of society! Masters of mayhem, these space invaders love nothing more than to lure innocent Americans into rowdy behavior. Your own child may fall under their spell, and start throwing bricks through storefront windows and listening to dangerous rock music!

Trying to stop them will appear futile. The space teenagers will seem too "hip", too "cool", too "with it." The streets will descend into anarchy, and parents everywhere will weep at their sudden loss of control and smell of brill cream in the house. It is exactly at this point that you must not give up hope. Your child is still in there somewhere, they have simply been corrupted by deviant behavior. You're going to have to snatch them off the street, and deprogram them with a series of Andy Griffith show reruns. Before long they should be back to their old selves, and you can team up together to run these space hooligans out of town on a rail.