We come now to perhaps the most agonizing decision you will be forced to make in your evil career. What to wear? How to display yourself? How to look "bad" and yet so damn good? These various choices have thus been provided to alleviate the pain of this decision.p>
Classic Black
Classic black has long been the dominant choice for evil-doers and their wardrobe. Sinister, foreboding, fashionable yet fearsome, it creates a mysterious air will providing additional benefits of sneakiness and stealth. Amazingly versatile, you will find it goes with almost anything, be it a business suit, leather jacket, trench coat or cape. You will also be extremely happy with the morose looks everyone gives you while you're draped head to toe in it. While many hero-types and vigilantes now prefer this color as well, classic black still remains the most stylish fashion for villains across the globe today.
This is a favored choice among the more business oriented evil-doers, allowing those with refined tastes to retain a certain degree of dignity and grace. They are both classy and conservative, perfect for corporate takeovers and plotting the destruction of third-world countries. They are also quite fashionable, and have the added benefit of making the more "scruffy" heroes look uneasy. You will be sitting at a five-star restaurant when they suddenly appear to confront you, and upon claiming your reign of terror will soon end, find themselves getting thrown out upon their feet. Lack of class does that to you these days.
Supervillain Costume with Gimmicks
This is a excellent choice for the supervillain who has read too many comic books. Be it a green jumpsuit with question marks or an outlandish clown suit that shoots confetti, the gimmicky costume will bring contented smiles to demented fanboys everywhere. The eccentric garb can fulfill a dual purpose, allowing the evil-doer to both be easily remembered as well as providing a motif to theme oneself by (i.e. I am the Lizard, and use my tail shedding weapon on you.) It must be noted, however, that due to changing fashion trends spandex is no longer as widely applauded as it once was. User discretion is advised.
Robotic Exoskeleton
There are many benefits to adopting a robotic exoskeleton, and so this option should not be overlooked. The evil genius who was once frail and weak can now become an unstoppable juggernaut, gaining the strength of ten men and the durability of a tank. Machine guns and lasers can be attached to the sides and arms, plus should your body ever be destroyed your head can simply detach and rocket back to your underground lair. The only real drawback is that you may experience occasional problems getting served in public (as well as require the occasional lube job), but as any evil genius will tell you, it is a small price to pay.
Dark Gunslinger
This is the perfect choice for the period supervillain who wishes to become darkness incarnate. By wearing a low-brimmed hat and menacing poncho you can cause terror in all who cross you and supporting cast members everywhere. The pair of six-shooters that come standard will please you with their endless supply of bullets, and you will find that you never have to reload, just point and shoot. Furthermore, your arrival will be announced by strange bird calls, a sign to all that hear them they soon will be dead. You will become the man with no name, unless that name is death, as you walk the earth and leave a pile of dead bodies in your wake.
Brain in a Jar
Though this option does not allow for as much mobility and personal interaction as the others do, the brain in a jar has been a favorite among supervillains for decades. By suspending your brain in a slimy green goo you can effectively cheat death while gaining an amazing amount of gross-out factor. Your henchmen will be incredibly confused as you rant at them without any vocal cords, and your enlarged cerebral cortex will allow you to conceive of plans and schemes previously unattainable. And while you may not be able to enjoy your worldly assets anymore because of your lack of a body, you will still be filled with wrath and rage, which is all an evil genius truly needs.
Intelligence Transferred into a Computer
This selection is quite similar to brain in a jar, only modernized and with more benefits. Through the act of transferring your intelligence into a computer you can gain supreme amounts of power and access to information you never dreamed of. Television cameras will act as your eyes and ears, and robots your hands, as you bring about great evil from twenty miles beneath the earth's crust. You will be effectively immortal, and immoral too, for transforming oneself into binary code tends to wrench away any last bits of humanity one might have. Which is definitely a good thing, for destroying the earth becomes that much easier.
Evil Twin/Opposite
Another popular option is that of the body-double, where you literally become the mirror image of your goodly nemesis. Through the miracle of modern cloning technology (or being born into the role of evil twin) you can now steal a person's life and take it for your own. This works particularly good with the heroes, as their friends will confide in you unknowingly and tell you all their deepest secrets. Your identical handprint will also allow access to the securest of bases, providing further opportunities for espionage and framing. Finally, when the protagonists rush in to stop you, they will be stunned to see that you are them, or they are you, or... well, let's just say it'll screw with them.
Wearing the Skin of another Human
Perhaps you're not human at all, but a demon spawned from another world. Or maybe instead you're a necromancer, or someone who likes switching into other people's bodies. Whatever your story, you may want to try wearing the skin of another human. By concealing yourself in the flesh of your enemies you can constantly escape detection while committing all manner of evil. The different bodies will keep the authorities guessing, plus whenever you get bored you can simply shed your current skin and move on to the next. There is also a great deal of fun to be had in tormenting heroes with this fashion. For when he sees his lover literally rip out of her skin in front of him, the look on his face is priceless.
Never Revealing your Face
This final possibility is perhaps best of all, as it allows the evil-doer to remain completely unseen to the outside world. Instead of being known by any particular name or costumey gimmick, you can simply be the mysterious 'thing' that no one ever sees but knows truly exists. The nightmarish monstrosity only hinted in rumors and whispered in folktales, existing out there somewhere, ready to eat them should they get to close. The fact that no one ever sees you will only add to the legend, making you even more terrible and fierce. People fear what they do not know, and even if you do not really exist, you will still be very fearsome indeed.

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Copyright 2001 Neil Zawacki. All Right Reserved. Not to be reproduced in any form without express permission.